Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
