Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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