I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
