dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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