I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
