Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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