what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
