who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
