No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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