I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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