Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
