We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Hippo gnu deer
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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