I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
