I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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