i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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