if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
