Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
