You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
