I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
