I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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