Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize