She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
