saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
