At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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