I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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