Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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