No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
