I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
