Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
we're so committed to being not committed
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
