Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
