i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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