I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
