You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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