I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
