I think my vagina is haunted
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
