My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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