She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
