Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
