no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
