Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
