hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
