yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
