i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
