hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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