you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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