Have you finally orgasmed yet?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
should my penis look like a turkey
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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