sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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