i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
