You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
