nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
