And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
