apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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