when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We need a shit load of segways right now
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
