i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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