I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
