So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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