i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
