trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
