Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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