his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
