i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
