I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
